Since the start of this semester, I began to notice something peculiar. I have been apologising so often that I think the act has lost its meaning. As pointed out by one of the websites in the reading list, apologising directly for a mistake committed shows sign of taking responsibility for our actions. It can also improve our emotional intelligence as human beings are usually more willing to forgive and forget. However, this is not applicable in my case. I did not apologise to take responsibility for my own actions but rather, I used it to bring an end to all the conflicts. I shall use a personal conflict which I encountered a few days ago to illustrate my point.
I am a fourth year student majoring in Chemical Engineering and am currently engaging in my final year project (fyp). Unlike my other course mates who have postgraduates to guide them for the project, I do not have a postgraduate as a mentor for my project as the topic I am working on is in a totally new area. I am practically left on my own to solve all the problems which I encounter during the course of the project. Occasionally, I will seek help from my supervising professor when I am really desperate. I did not realize the impact of going “unsupervised” in the laboratory until a few days ago when I was trying to select a spot in the laboratory to culture my cells.
I approached one of the postgraduates to enquire on the use of one of the fumehood in the laboratory for culturing my cells. However, he expressed concern over the possibility of cross contamination of my work with others and recommended me to culture the cells using the biohazard fumehood which was being used by another postgraduate, Jessica. I thought it would be appropriate for me to consult Jessica for the use of the biohazard fumehood before I start culturing my cells. However, the outcome of my act of courtesy turned out to be pretty disastrous.
After I explained the purpose of my visit and that I was recommended by another postgraduate to consult her on the use of the biohazard fumehood, she began to fire me a series of questions which caught me off-guard. She began to ask me about my educational background, my experiences in cell culturing, the identity of the postgraduate supervising my project and the type of cells I am intending to culture. Her eyes were narrowed into a slit and there was a look of disapproval and disbelief when I told her that I am just an undergraduate with zero experience in microbiology and have no supervising postgraduate. After that, she began to lament about how my work can threaten the work of the rest and got a little worked up when she heard that I was contemplating of culturing cells in the biohazard fumehood as recommended by the other postgraduate. She practically stormed out of the room and had a mini confrontation with that postgraduate. After a few minutes, she returned and said that the postgraduate did not suggest that I go to the biohazard fumehood to culture my cells but rather, to conduct my other laboratory work there. After she completed her sentence, I apologized immediately by explaining that I may have made a wrong interpretation of his suggestion.
I related the incident to my sister and she thought it was unnecessary for me to apologise since I was certain that I did not misinterpret the postgraduate’s suggestion. However, I had my reasons for doing so. Firstly, from Jessica’s first reaction, I could tell she was undergoing a lot of stress. Her stress level was out of control and that may be the reason why she kept interrupting me when I tried to explain my situation to her and that I will not start culturing cells until I have completed my training session. Secondly, although I tried to reassure her that I do understand the importance of good laboratory practices in order not to jeopardize the work of others and using non-verbal communication techniques such as “uh-huh” to tell her that I understand her concerns, I was unable to calm her down. She seemed to be under the impression that I am a potential danger to her work and was not in the least receptive to any of my explanations. Thirdly, she seemed to think that I was trying to defend myself by saying that it was another postgraduate who suggested using the biohazard fumehood and even went to confront that postgraduate. At that point in time, I thought no amount of explanation would suffice and that the conflict would escalate if I did not apologise as she is a pretty persistent person and her emotions seemed to be spinning out of control. In addition, I thought it would be easier for me to approach her for help the next time if I did not defend myself.
My apology was worthless but was useful in this incident as it brought an end to this conflict. However, I wonder whether there are better alternative solutions to handle this kind of conflict.
5 days ago
Hi,
ReplyDeleteIt would be good that you ask the other postgraduate students about her character, because she might be the one who is being unreasonable.
Specifically for your case, I understand that your FYP has to be completed in one semester and culturing cells do take a lot of time, so you might not have luxury of time to get to know her better and then hope that she will allow you to use the fumehood for your project.
As such, I would propose that you talk to her on another day and express your need to use the equipment again. If she reacts in the same manner, then tell her about your next course of action: Talk to your Professor about the matter and request that he grant you the authority to use the fumehood.
If she relents, then try to work out a win-win situation without having to trouble your Professor.
If she insists, then execute the next course of action.
I have to admit that this is not be the best solution to this conflict, but taking into consideration of the time constraints, it is what I would do if i were you.
Ji Wei
Hello XiuLing =)
ReplyDeleteI think you have done well by not attempting to defend yourself at that point of time. You must have put in great efforts in trying not to be affected by your emotions. This is a good way to prevent the straining of the relationship and possible additional conflicts between you and Jessica.
However, I do feel that you should try to express your concerns of time constraints for your cell culture work. You should tell her that you are new to cell culture work, and would really need her help in guiding you regarding what to do for cell culture work. By doing that, she would feel that she is like a “mentor” to you and would therefore not express such unhappiness about sharing the hood with you. Also, you can also attempt to tell her that you would try your very best to prevent contamination of the fume hood.
As mentioned by Ji Wei, asking help from your professor should be the very last resort as using a higher authority could create additional complications to the current situation.
Flash your smile more often and I believe this would lessen the tense situation in your laboratory. All the best, Xiu Ling =)
Dear Xiu Ling,
ReplyDeleteI think this is a very well described interpersonal conflict scenario. You provide detailed background information that creates a rich context for the conflict. You also describe the conflict itself in good detail. My only criticism is that there are a few verb tense problems. After today's discussion, can you see what I'm referring to?
In any case, this is a very good post and you've inspired some interesting feedback. Thank youi!
Hi Xiu Ling!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ji Wei that you should check with the other post-graduates on Jessica's character. She may be known for being hot-tempered and that explains her attitude towards you.
Next, I admire the fact that you did your best not to engage into a heated argument with Jessica as that would only strain the relationship between you and her. However, it's good that you try to find a opportunity to explain things to her to clear up the misunderstanding you have with her.
If I were you, I guessed I would have done the same. I would too apologise so as to end the unecessary conflict and so I can continue to doing my project wihout wasting time. =).
Hazel
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Xiu Ling :)
ReplyDeleteBy choosing to avoid being in a conflict with Jessica, I felt that you had handled the situation pretty well. I would, however, feel unjustified if I were you. I believe you did not misinterpret what the postgraduate had instructed you to do. Perhaps you were just plain unlucky - By approaching a postgraduate who, in my opinion, preferred to stay out of trouble and Jessica who probably overreacted due to stress from work.
I admired the fact that you had considered the many problems that will accompany if you were to engage in an argument with Jessica. However, although apologizing may be one of the best options at that moment, you might want to think about using other ways to resolve the situation. Instead of allowing Jessica to bombard you with questions, you could turn the tables around by asking for the other options she could offer. Seek her advice instead. Since she is the kind of person who is extremely concerned about her work, she may have really good suggestions on what you can do with your culture. Furthermore, this may help to calm her down a little and make you seem less of a threat and more like an earnest learner.
Also, you could have observed her body language (non-verbal communication). Maybe it was not the right time for you to approach her as she might be in the midst of conducting an experiment as well. You could put yourself in her shoes and you might find the answer as to why she was acting in that manner at that point of time :)
Regards,
Kesleen
Hello Xiu Ling,
ReplyDeleteAs you have mentioned, Jessica is probably under a lot of stress. At this point in time, she is no longer aware that she has gone past her breaking point. Just like the “elastic” that we have learnt about, her capacity to communicate clearly and solve problems are impaired. As such, I would recommend backing away from the confrontation. It might be even counter-productive to explain to her that you misinterpreted the suggestion of the other postgraduate - she might think that you are trying to defend your actions or give excuses, causing her to flare up more. I think it would be better if you simply walked away and return another day to try to clear up the misunderstanding when she’s more lucid.
Cheers
Russell